By Stephen P. Rudolph FACHE, CSA
Loneliness is a problem for many older people whose lives previously centered on the job they used to have or on family members who are no longer around.
Loneliness is not just being alone. A person can feel lonely even if are surrounded by people. Loneliness means feeling isolated. It leaves a person feeling sad or afraid. A person may feel lonely because they are grieving over a loss, especially the death of a spouse; or they may be feeling misunderstood, unloved, or useless or simply spending too much time alone. Loneliness is an inner state of mind. In many ways loneliness can be self-imposed. Sometimes people choose to isolate themselves away from society for various reasons. Other people are shy and find it difficult to make friends. Elderly people may be confined to their homes due to health problems.
In 1987, 8.5 million elderly lived alone; by 2020, 13.3 million elderly will live alone. More than 6.5 million, or 77%, of all elderly living alone are women. The percentage of older women living alone exceeds that of men in each age group, but women become progressively more likely than men to live alone with age. Among those over 85, 52% of women live alone compared to 29% for men. Widowhood is by far the most common situation for older women who live alone. Between the ages of 65 and 74, 77% of women living alone are widows, as are 88% of those over 75. Men who live alone are far more likely to be divorced or never to have married. This phenomenon occurs because women tend to marry men older than themselves, and because women live longer than men.
Loneliness affects not only a person's mental and emotional health but physical health as well. Loneliness can cause depression, an elevation in blood pressure and a lowered immunity that may contribute to other health conditions.
Loneliness can cause a lot of the anxiety and depression that is seen in older people. Lonely people don't always eat properly or get enough exercise. It may not seem worth the effort to shop and prepare food for one person to eat alone. Walking or exercising alone may not seem to be much fun either. Poor nutrition and lack of exercise result in lack of energy and stamina and contribute to health problems that affect older people.
Loneliness can occur when you feel unloved. If you feel like you are not getting the attention you need from others, it's important to let them know. Be specific in telling them what would help you feel better. Let them know if you would like to see them more often. Usually making plans for a certain date and time will bring better results than being vague.
Owning a pet can help prevent loneliness and provide companionship. Older persons who own a pet usually have better physical health.
Support is needed on all levels from the mental and emotional to the physical and spiritual. It is important to have a good network of friends and family in order to establish and provide the support needed. It is not good for anyone to be alone for long periods of time. Everyone needs someone to lean on both emotionally and physically. Some people may be stubborn and try to cover up their loneliness by declaring that they don't need anyone but this is not so. We all need someone at some time in our lives.
If you are alone and lonely there are ways that you can reduce loneliness.
Sometimes we elders need to talk to someone our own age to feel like someone understands us. Children and grandchildren can be great, but if you have been feeling lonely in spite of their attention, look for support from your own age group, too. Close friends, brothers, and sisters are often very supportive throughout our lives. We all like to chat about the "old days." Getting in touch with people from the past can help ease loneliness. Elders may be able to attend family reunions, school reunions, military reunions or even folks you used to work with.
If you like company at mealtimes, call your local senior center and find out when meals are served there. If you would like to walk with a group for exercise or join an exercise class, ask about that. If you like to dance, do crafts, or play cards, ask about those things. Ask about transportation if you need it. Maybe you miss doing things for other people. If so, you may want to volunteer at your local hospital, library, church, or senior center. A listing of area senior centers can be found at: http://www.countyofdane.com/aging/cspmap.htm#03
One thing you can do when you are feeling lonely is start something new. This is an effective way to shift your focus on something other than being lonely. Start a new hobby or take some adult classes at your local community college where you will meet new people.
After my father died, my mother took tap dance lessons and went to the university to take writing courses, saying she was going to write “The Great American Novel.” She traveled and participated in her senior center activities, and volunteering to help other “old people.”
Living alone can be hard to adjust to if you have always had family around you. It may be that the time has come to move out of a house that has become too big and empty. If so, there are lots of senior communities that offer independent living in the privacy of your own apartment while providing dining facilities, group activities, and a built-in social life that you can join in as much or as little as you wish. If you think this might suit you, take your time and look at different ones before making up your mind because different things -- such as a view, large rooms, or being near shops -- are important to different people. Most people stay at their home or apartment simply because they feel better and are happier around the things that are important to them and the place which holds lots of wonderful memories. You can still have a social life in this setting through the local church, libraries, nursing homes, senior centers and are other places. Get out and meet your neighbors!
It's hard to think of good coming out of loneliness, but sometimes loneliness can force change for the better. Moving to a senior community can give you a family all over again. Volunteering and helping others can give new purpose and meaning to your life. Joining in senior activities can be the start of new and lasting friendships. These things can happen and you can make them happen.
Getting involved means staying busy and staying busy means never feeling lonely again. And that is the permanent cure for loneliness.
-30 - Stephen P. Rudolph has a Masters Degree in Health Care Administration and is the owner of Comfort Keeper of South Central Wisconsin, a leading non-medical, in-home service offering care on an hourly, daily, weekly or live in basis. Comfort Keepers provides personal cares and other non-medical services for aging adults, new mothers and others needing assistance to allow them to continue living safely and in the privacy of their own, Comfort Keepers is a member of the Better Business Bureau of Wisconsin (A+ rating), the National Private Duty Association (NPDA)and is accredited by Shield Accreditation. Rudolph is Board Certified in Health Care Management, a Fellow in the American College of Health Care Executives(FACHE), is a Certified Senior Advisor (CSA) and a member of the Society of Certified Senior Advisors. He lives in Verona.
