Your dad isn't sad. He's just "slowing down." At least, that's what the family keeps saying.
He doesn't go to the diner with his friends anymore and stopped reading the paper. He sleeps until noon, or barely sleeps at all. When you call, the conversations are shorter. When you visit, the house is darker, and when you ask how he's doing, the answer is always the same: "I'm fine."
He's not fine. Deep down, you already know that.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and it exists because the mental health of our aging parents is one of the most overlooked, misunderstood, and consequential health issues families face. Not someday, but right now.
According to the National Council on Aging (NCOA), up to 25% of adults 65 and older are living with a mental health condition such as anxiety or depression. Yet, two-thirds of older adults with mental health problems never receive the treatment they need (National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine). Not because treatment doesn't work (it does), but because the people around them don't recognize the signs, or mistake them for "just getting old."
That's the gap this article is written to close.
What Senior Depression Looks Like (It's Not What You Think)
Most families miss it because depression in older adults doesn't always look like sadness.
Your mom might not cry. Your dad might not say he's depressed. Instead, what you'll notice is withdrawal. Less interest in things that used to bring joy. Irritability over small things. Physical complaints, like aches, fatigue, and digestive issues, that don't have a clear medical explanation. Trouble concentrating. Changes in appetite or sleep. A growing reluctance to leave the house.
In seniors, depression often wears a medical mask. It shows up as back pain that won't quit, or fatigue that doesn't respond to rest, or "brain fog" that gets written off as normal aging. Healthcare providers sometimes miss it too, confusing the symptoms with a physical illness, or simply not screening for mental health in a routine checkup.
Common signs of depression in aging parents:
Withdrawal from friends, hobbies, and social activities
Sleeping too much or too little
Changes in appetite or unexplained weight loss
Unusual irritability, agitation, or restlessness
Persistent physical complaints without a clear cause
Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
Anxiety is also just as common and just as hidden. Your loved one might become unusually rigid about routines. They might worry excessively about health, money, or safety. They might avoid social situations they once enjoyed or become more dependent on you in ways that feel sudden and unexplained.
The overlap between anxiety and depression in older adults is significant. Research suggests that up to half of seniors with depression also experience anxiety, and the combination makes both conditions harder to treat and more likely to persist.
Why This Happens, and Why It's Not "Just Aging"
Understanding the reasons behind it can help you respond with empathy instead of frustration.
As people age, they face a concentration of losses that younger adults rarely deal with simultaneously:
The loss of a spouse or close friends
The loss of independence when they can no longer drive, cook, or manage finances
The loss of a career identity after retirement
The loss of physical ability, the things they could always do that they suddenly can't
Each of these losses carries grief. When that grief goes unacknowledged, when a parent doesn't have someone to talk to, or doesn't believe mental health support is "for people like them," it compounds. Add in chronic pain, medication side effects, reduced mobility, and the quiet erosion of social connection, and you've got a recipe for depression that has nothing to do with character and everything to do with circumstances.
For seniors in Montclair, a town rich with community and culture, the contrast can be especially sharp. Your parent might live a few blocks from Anderson Park, from the Montclair Art Museum, from the Saturday farmers' market, and never leave the house. The resources are therebut t motivation isn't. That's the signal that something deeper is going on.
The Role Loneliness Plays (And Why It's a Health Risk)
Social isolation isn't just an emotional problem, buta clinical one.
About a quarter of older adults experience social isolation or loneliness, and the health consequences are serious. The World Health Organization identifies loneliness as a key risk factor for depression, anxiety, and cognitive decline in older adults. It increases the risk of dementia, heart disease, and even premature death at rates comparable to smoking or obesity.
This is where the conversation about mental health and in-home care come together. For many seniors, the most powerful intervention isn't a prescription but a person. Someone who shows up consistently and listens makes Tuesday feel different from Monday.
At Comfort Keepers, we call this companion care. For many of the families we work with in Montclair, it's the service that makes the biggest difference, not because it treats a diagnosis, but because it addresses the root cause of so much of what's going wrong.
A companion caregiver might take your mom to a painting class at the Montclair Art Museum or walk with your dad through Brookdale Park on a spring morning. They might sit together over coffee and just talk about the news, about old memories, or about nothing in particular. Those moments matter more than most people realize.
What You Can Do Right Now
If you're reading this and thinking about your own parent, there are concrete steps you can take starting today.
Name what you're seeing. Don't wait for your parent to bring it up. Most seniors won't. Say something like: "Dad, I've noticed you seem more tired lately, and you're not doing the things you used to enjoy. I'm not judging. I just care about how you're feeling." Opening the door without forcing them through it is everything.
Talk to their doctor. If your parent has a primary care physician, mention what you've observed. Ask whether a depression or anxiety screening has been done recently. Mental health is treatable at any age, and often, a combination of talk therapy, light medication, and lifestyle changes can make a profound difference.
Reduce isolation deliberately. This doesn't mean overwhelming your parent with activities. It means building small, consistent touchpoints into their week. A phone call every morning. A shared meal on Sundays. A caregiver who comes three times a week and brings warmth, conversation, and routine.
Know your local resources. Montclair and Essex County have meaningful support systems for seniors and their families:
Essex County Division of Senior Services: 973-395-8375 (programs, nutrition, transportation)
Jewish Family Service of MetroWest NJ: 973-637-1740 (counseling, care consultation, and a Friendly Visiting program for isolated seniors)
Family Connections: In-home counseling for older adults and caregivers throughout Essex County
NJ Aging & Disability Resource Connection: 1-877-222-3737 (free statewide resource for navigating services)
Don't forget about yourself. If you're the adult child managing this, you're carrying more than you probably realize. Caregiver burnout is real, and your own mental health matters. Reaching out for respite care, even just a few hours a week, isn't a failure. It's what allows you to keep showing up.
Where Companion Care Fits In
Professional companion care doesn't replace family. It extends it.
When your parent has a trained, consistent caregiver coming to their home, they get more than help with daily tasks. They get someone who notices when their mood shifts. Someone who encourages them to get dressed, get outside, and stay engaged. There is someone who provides the kind of steady, reliable social connection that protects against the worst effects of isolation.
At Comfort Keepers Montclair, our caregivers are trained to recognize changes in mood and behavior and to respond with compassion, not clinical detachment. We believe in caring for the whole person: body, mind, and spirit. That's what our interactive caregiving philosophy is built on, and it's what families tell us makes the difference.
Because sometimes, the most important thing a caregiver does all day isn't medication reminders or meal preparation. It's making your dad laugh for the first time in weeks.
Call us at (973) 707-2310 to schedule your free in-home consultation. Or visit comfortkeepers.com/offices/new-jersey/montclair to learn more.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month. If you or someone you love is struggling, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7, call or text 988. For non-emergency senior mental health resources in New Jersey, contact the NJ Aging & Disability Resource Connection at 1-877-222-3737.
